May 24, 2006

Pat's Power comes from Magical Power Shakes . . . oh, and Jesus too.

Pat Robertson's magical protein shake


Every now and then, a ClayNation reader e-mail causes me to question my entire worldview. Such was recently the case. We received many responses regarding my quest to leg press 400 pounds and "show up former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright." None was more shocking than this one from Ken Pederson of Seattle:

"400 pounds is nothing! Rev. Pat Robertson, 76, can leg press 2,000 pounds. I saw him on TV the other day and the capillaries in his eyes looked just fine!"

If you do not click on the link Ken provided to Robertson's Web site right now, you are truly lazy and missing the most remarkable feat of physical strength since Video SPiN featured Lasha Pataraya pulling two trucks with his ear.

Here's the text from his Web site:

"Did you know that Pat Robertson can leg press 2,000 pounds? How does he do it? Where does Pat find the time and energy to host a daily, national TV show, head a world-wide ministry, develop visionary scholars, while traveling the globe as a statesman?

One of Pat's secrets to keeping his energy high and his vitality soaring is his age-defying protein shake. Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients. Discover what kinds of natural ingredients make up Pat's protein shake by registering for your FREE booklet today!"

Three things:

1. I am going to drink this protein shake of his and try to leg press a Mazda Miata with three clowns sitting inside.

2. There is no way on earth Robertson leg presses 2,000 pounds. That would mean a 76-year-old man broke the all-time Florida State University leg press record by 665 pounds over Dan Kendra. 665 pounds. Further, when he set the record, they had to modify the leg press machine to fit 1,335 pounds of weight. Plus, Kendra's capillaries in his eyes burst. Burst. Where in the world did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time? And how does he still have vision?

3. It's rare the ClayNation Guarantee makes an appearance, but here, it is justified. There is no way Robertson leg presses 2,000 pounds. Period. If he can, I will box a round against Andrew Golota without wearing a jockstrap. After about 20 minutes on Robertson's Web site, I managed to find a way to send an e-mail without having to give my credit card information. Here was the text:

"I would like to interview Pat Robertson about his leg-press workout and protein shake. If possible, I would like to accompany Pat on his workout where I could help him stack on the 44 different 45-pound plates he would need to attach to leg press 2,000 pounds. By my calculations, his leg press of 2,000 pounds requires 22 forty-fives and one ten-pounder on each side.


The article goes on. You get the idea. If you click the linkie Clay provided you go to the CBN website. YOU too can leg lift a ton with Pat Robertson's magical shake recipe. I HAD to have that power!

But then, TRAGEDY: You have to register to get this AMAZING recipe.

So I registered. Don't any of you ever tell me that I don't jump into the fray for you

Here's the recipe:

PAT’S AGE-DEFYING SHAKE

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It is vitally important that your body have adequate supplies of protein and necessary minerals to get you started in a healthy, vibrant mode. Nothing is worse than to race your insulin production by the ingestion of doughnuts, sweet rolls, pancakes drenched in syrup, white toast with jelly, and coffee. This is the typical American breakfast that accounts for the fact that many people are drooping by 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning, and they have, in the process, a number of ailments, not the least of which is adult onset diabetes because of a diet that is filled with sweets, simple carbohydrates derived from white flour and sugar, and caffeine. The shake I use is delicious, refreshing, and filled with energy-producing nutrients.

Here’s how to make it:

Disclaimer: Consult with your physician before starting this or any new health regimen or supplement program, especially if you have allergies to any of the listed or related products, or are under the care of a physician or other medical professional, or have any other health problems. No specific health benefit is implied or promised from this recipe.

6 - 8 ounces of orange juice (water, other fruit juices, low-fat or skim milk can be substituted)
*5 tablespoons soy protein isolate
*5 tablespoons whey protein isolate
2 tablespoons natural apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon flaxseed oil
1 tablespoon safflower oil

In a standard blender, combine the above ingredients. Blend until the shake is smooth
and the ice cubes are crushed.

Optional ingredients you can try:
2 tablespoons non-fat plain yogurt or 1 banana (gives more body to the drink)
1 teaspoon Creatine, (5 grams) Creatine is intended to be used by those individuals who
are engaged in strenuous physical activity and training. Individuals under the age of 18
years, should not use Creatine. (if you add Creatine, remember you need to drink at least 8 oz. of water in addition to your shake).

*The amount of protein per serving is dependent upon the product purchased.You should aim for 32 grams of protein in the shake.

Adjust the quantity of tablespoons according to the label on the product purchased.

Pat’s Age-Defying Shake
2 tablespoons (or more) soy lecithin
1 teaspoon MSM powder
1 teaspoon glutamine powder
5 - 6 frozen strawberries
(other fruits can be substituted)
Non-caloric sweetener to taste
4 - 5 ice cubes
(optional, use for a colder shake)


Now us evil godless heathens can have legs of steel too! We'll be unstoppable with Pat Robertson's Magical Power Shake!!